Pause and Breathe

Photo by the amazing Kayleigh

So many times our reaction to our pet’s behavior is instantaneous, without thought.

The dog barks, we tell them to shush.

They pull on the leash, we immediately pull back.

Our horse paws impatiently and we scold them.

The cat claws the furniture, we yell at them.

These responses aren’t inherently wrong - but without thought, they are often a response because we are uncomfortable with our pet’s behavior. The dog is barking for the fiftieth time in an hour and we’re just over it.

The problem is that when our response is unconscious and comes from a place of our discomfort with our pet’s behavior then our pet senses that discomfort. Unfortunately it often gets translated to “my human is uncomfortable, so I should do the thing more to make it go away,” which is generally the exact opposite of what we want! Oops!

So what’s the best alternative?

It doesn’t really matter what type of correction you choose, if it is accompanied by your own frayed nerves, then it’s not likely to be effective.

The simplest answer is to pause and breathe first.

But what if my pet is really reacting and I have to respond fast??

Of course there are safety situations in which a quick response is necessary, but if we are really honest, those situations are often far less common than our nerves want to convince us.

Breathing is a big indicator of what is safe and what is not safe to an animal. When we respond to something they do with tension in our own body, that will automatically restrict our breathing. So meeting their “negative” behavior with tension and holding our breath is not likely to change their behavior for the better.

Allowing ourselves the moment to take a nice big breath and check into our body’s status first will also free up time and space for our pets to consider a different option, too. It gives everyone the space to respond with a different choice.

Once we’ve taken a breath, and checked in with our body to see where we are, then we can make the choice in how to respond. A correction may still need to be made, but it can be made from a place of neutrality internally, which means we’re not contributing more stress to the situation.

If I evaluate every time I’ve ever asked my pets to stop doing something I didn’t want them to do I can neatly divide their responses up - the times they shifted with ease were the times I was in a place of neutrality with clarity of the goal I was asking for; the times they did not change their behavior were the times I was holding tension in my body, stuck in the thought of what they were doing that I didn’t like.

There really isn’t any other tip that I can give that will have a bigger impact on your overall relationship, especially if you are struggling with behavior challenges that are frustrating.

Pause and breathe, and see what it can shift for you and your pets.